Friday, February 1, 2013

Protein Bar challenge wrap up

Its February 1st and that means the protein bar challenge 2013 is over. as the first month of the year comes to a close i sit here and try to think of all that i have done.
there are a ton of things i could tell you about! the protein challenge has got me pumped up about eating right and working out. every time i go to the oak brook location i'm treated like a rock star. aren't you larissa? oh my god how's it going? wow congrats on the weight lose! etc etc. i could tell you about how my cankles now look like ankles again (woo woo), how my family and i are eating way better and i now get up with my son to play and dance (he's loving the extra attention). but i think to really get my point across on how much i've changed in 4 weeks, i must reveal a secret. 
it's a secret so shaming, no one knows but my husband. it's not what you would expect out of a twenty something female in todays day and age. it's something i've hidden for so long. 
here goes. i wear granny panties. all the way past the belly button big ole panties! 
that's right i wear granny panties. oh i know i know. but they cover so well and when you wear pants that go over your belly button for two years straight it's just a perfect match. i blame my maternity clothes for the introduction to granny panties. it was comfortable and concealing. and after i gave birth to my daughter. i don't know it was the connivence of it, i was already in so deep. and i no longer had to look at my love handles in the mirror they were hidden. you couldn't see my tummy shake because the band over my belly button held everything in so well. that's how they became part of my regular every day none pregnant wardrobe. i'm so ashamed. i know i had a problem when i bought my first pair of none maternity pants and had to roll my underwear down so you couldn't see them over the top of my jeans.

and now here we are February first and guess what i didn't even notice at first. i just grabbed a pair went. but folding laundry i look down and see a pair of low raisers mixed into my lot. nothing special just ole cotton ones with my socks and shirts.  i guess at some point i dug them out of a drawer without looking and just put them on. why is this a big deal? because i didn't notice them, i didn't feel them digging in my sides, or my muffin top shaking all about, nothing rode up, nothing looked funny under clothes. they were just perfectly silently there.  i was comfortable.
thats what i really needed to find again, how to be comfortable in my body again.
 i'm not the size i would like to be just yet, i'm not at the fitness level i would like to be either. but i'm working towards it and i'm feeling good. my first thought isn't anymore uck i hate this or i hate that, its wow that's looking good, it's not a huge huge change (skinny jeans aren't an option just yet) but i see it and i feel great about it. i know it's silly it's just underwear but it really has made me feel like i'm me again. before this challenge i wasn't feeling good about myself in any way. not outside or in, but now that i have put that effort into me again i'm feeling like i can do so much more. 
when it comes to my pt i'm not where i want to be just yet. but something i couldn't do four weeks ago was finish a pt test. i had to stop running i couldn't make the whole 2 miles, and sit ups oh boy were those hard, i think i did like 15 my first time. if that. and now i can finish 2 miles, i can do 45 sit-ups again and do push ups. i'm not within the time but i think i'll make it with time and commitment. because for the first time in a long long long long time (did i mention it has been a long time) i actually believe in myself. and that is a great feeling. almost as great as a pair of clean low raisers.