the last kid in

we are now currently 3 weeks into the protein bar challenge. and i feel like i've hit a snag.

the last few times i've ran a pt test it's been at this park with an unusual shaped trail, 2 miles is 3 laps and than a sort of half lap. when i run the first half lap i'm always in good spirit, i pep myself up with i can do this this isn't so bad what great running weather. about at the end of the first full lap is when everyone who was behind me is now in front of me. around the second lap is when those people start passing me... and than that's when i stop believing in myself. i quickly turn to what the heck? whats wrong with me? i'm tired, i'm going to puke, my shoes aren't tied tight enough i can't run. around the third lap i'm still making ok time, if i just finish strong i can do this, and than that last half lap.... and that's when i just give up, everyone has finished by this time, about 60% of the time i've already puked. and i'm usually the last guy on the track... and it's embarrassing and i just give up cause there's no point when everyone has already left and gone to their cars.

and that's me on a pt run test. and that's what has happened this last week... don't get me wrong i have hit some big milestones for myself. i've lost weight, i was given and can fit a protein bar shirt in a size L, i have worn an XL since being pregnant with my son, and i did 45 sit ups in under two minutes. when i started doing sit-ups three weeks ago, i did 15... and i barley made those. i go to the gym so often that the front desk knows my member number by heart. and i haven't eaten a french frie in a month!

when you look at all that it sounds great!! but than i look at the other people doing the same challenge as me, and that's where i start measuring myself against other people. and than i just feel embrassed because even though i've worked so hard i don't think i can keep up. and so many of them are so much more fitter than i am. and sometimes  i get tired of being the last kid in.

and so i've spent a few days as woo is me. luckily because i don't by junk at the store anymore i've only pigged out on lactation cookies and lots of hummus. (not together of course). and i swear it's like the protein bar can read my mind sometimes, and this last week they  posted a  a blog about discouragement (link http://www.theproteinbar.com/blog/talkin-fit-sko-fit-bad-days-stride ). the blog talks about the bad days. and i'm sitting here at the computer going oh my god you are right! it's what you do with the bad days thats going to matter in the end. that last half sort of lap is where the money is. if i just keep pushing not for other people but  myself i just might make it. i'll only fail for sure if i stop running, if i keep running than who knows it might just be possible to finish strong.

my goal for this last week of the protein challenge is to finish strong. orngially i wanted to lose 15 pounds and have even been promised a spa day for it, and when i figured out this last week that this may not hit this goal i just sulked. if i give up now i really won't make any goal but if i keep pushing than i do have a possibility.  and if i don't make it within the week than oh well. i'll make it the next week. which i'm not going to lie kind of sucks but  after all it's not a resolution it's a revolution. and i plan to keep up this lifestyle of healthy food and exercise till i reach those goals i set up for myself.  and than i'm going to one up myself and aim for a new goal. my friend set up a group of people who are planning on running a bunch of races this year, and i want in. i want to try, if i don't keep up thats ok, cause i'm going to finish each one of those races strong and with  a positive attitude. even if i'm the last kid in at least i'll cross the finish line. and thats all that matters in the end.